Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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