K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
