I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
