i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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