that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This toilet bowl is my home.
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