Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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