Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
