I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
