i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
