i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
