Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
