It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
