We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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