Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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