at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
