my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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