kristin has been a bad kristin
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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