it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
