5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
