Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize