i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
