I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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