Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
