i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
