Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
