Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
