I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
