if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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