On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize