We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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