How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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