I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
