we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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