well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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