just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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