My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
