I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
