i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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