if only i could text you this smell
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
