dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
