$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
