omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
