Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
