You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
