matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
