I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
