"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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