i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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