your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
