ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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