I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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