Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
