I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
