the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
