If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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