I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
