I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
