I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize