I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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