Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
