I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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