Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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