It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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