No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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