No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
