I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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