I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
