You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
