please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
