I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
