i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
