I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
