it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
