If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
