What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
