I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize