You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Barsexuality is the new black.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
