i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
