Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
