I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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