WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
