and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
