I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
