Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
