11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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