his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize