We need to start having sex underwater more often.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
