Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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