i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
