I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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