She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
