He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
