just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
