My boss' voice literally gives me gas
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
