been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
