:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
