Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
