i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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