haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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