If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
