Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
