Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
