i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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