wake up i wanna do it froggy style
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
