sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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