This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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